Shattered
by seashellz
Summary: The war in Iraq brings Yugi to a breaking point. His will has finally shattered and he no longer is driven by an unknown purpose to protect a world that wants destruction after all he and his friends have worked for. It seems that this time, not even Yami


Disclaimer: I do not own yugioh, "somewhere I belong", "Gollum's song" or bush's speech. (Bush doesn't either and not that I'd want to)

"Speech"

'thought'

//hikari to yami//

\\yami to hikari\\

A/N: I will try my best to keep everyone, especially Yugi in character. 

Summary: The war in Iraq brings Yugi to a breaking point. His will has finally shattered and he no longer is driven by an unknown purpose to protect a world that wants destruction after all he and his friends have worked for. It seems that this time, not even Yami can bring him back to reality. 

**

~Fading Hopes~

**

March 17, 2003 10:14 am (Japan time) George W. Bush...

"That is the future we choose. Free nations have a duty to defend our people by uniting against the violent. And tonight, as we have done before, America and our allies accept that responsibility.

Good night, and may God continue to bless America....."

  


  


  
Yugi stared blankly at the television. 'war... how... how could they?....' Even as the picture changed and reporters began chatting cheerfully commentating on the speech his gaze didn't leave the screen. 'but... they'll destroy it... all we've worked for?!" He put his head in his hands, the reporters still chipper, discussing the situation. 

"Do you think that was a real warning or just a threat?" 

"I'm not sure Bob, he certainly seemed serious about giving Saddam Hussain only 48 hours to back down. What do you think Karen?" 

"Well Joe, the ..." 

  


  
He could barely hear their discussion now, it seemed as if they were speaking from the end of a tunnel. A tear made its way down Yugi's face. After all they were working for... saving them, they just go and kill each other?! 

'They'll just keep fighting until they kill other in the end... won't they...' The tears were flowing steadily now. His heart and throat were burning with confusion and suppressed fury. 'why? Can't they stop hating each other. Is the battle worth fighting? Even for a better tomorrow, when tomorrow will be filled with the blood of those we try to save regardless how hard I try.' 

'between me and yami trying to save the world, and the wars... how can there ever be any kind of peace?' 

"There is no peace." His words echoed in the empty room, in the empty house, the empty world. The last shred of hope seemed to fade away. Hope for him to fulfill his destiny, hope for there to be no bloodshed. Hope... 

"Yugi!" Grandpa called from the opened door, groceries in his arms, as well as a box of brand new cards. "Can I have some help" Yugi snapped out of his trance, his tear soaked face turning towards his grandpa's voice. He swiftly wiped his nose on his sleeve, and the tears off his face. His cheeks were still red and his eyes slightly puffy but he rushed to the sound of the voice. 

"Coming Grandpa!" his voice crackled a bit. It was only a little so Grandpa didn't notice. He ran through the house, feet padding on the floor in his socks, and he continued to wipe his face with his other sleeve attempting to get the last evidence of tears off. 

He did his best to put on a fake smile, just so Grandpa wouldn't worry. He failed miserably, but the bags of groceries and the box of cards had Grandpa occupied enough for him not to notice. He took three bags of groceries, each about half his size, and swiftly rushed them to the refrigerator. 

"I'm gonna go finish homework Grandpa!" He ran upstairs without even waiting for a reply and shut the door of his room. Tears still burned in his throat just think about it. Hopeless... pointless... These thoughts must have been taking over his consciousness because a projection of Yami appeared at his side from the puzzle. His crimson eyes were widened, and eyebrows furrowed in worry. 

"What is wrong Yugi? I feel pain." 

Yugi slumped down on his bed and looked up at Yami, tears already welling in his eyes. His throat tightened. 

"I.... They..." he couldn't put it to words, all that he was feeling; and his throat now too tight to speak. Yugi looked away from yami's gaze and his shoulders shook in a silent sob. Yami could feel all of the confusion, the despair, and even fury Yugi was feeling, and though he didn't understand exactly why his light felt so strongly about something, he walked over to the bed and sat down next to his small shaking form. 

"It's alright Yugi, please, just let it all out..." He put a strong arm around Yugi's shoulders, and Yugi still sobbing uncontrollably sunk into his darkness's embrace. 

'He's never felt so strongly about anything... not even when grandpa was taken, or Kaiba's soul was taken. Never.' 

Yugi continued sobbing. All the fury was getting more and more intense as he kept thinking to himself, brooding in his confusion and anger. 'All we've sacrificed just so they can go and kill each other!' Yami could feel Yugi's anger and confusion and pain growing, welling. 

Yugi's sobbing calmed down a bit, and he turned his scared looking face up at Yami. "I don't want Grandpa to worry." Yami nodded, and so the illusion of Yami and Yugi both left the physical world for the corridors of their shared mind. Yami opened the door of his soul room which he had appeared into. Looking down both sides of the hall, dark mists shrouded the end of his vision. He walked across the short hall and knocked on Yugi's soul room door. 

"Yugi." he called gently. He could hear the padding of bare feet across the floor as Yugi came to open his soul room. It wasn't locked, but it would be very rude to intrude on his private thoughts uninvited. Yami waited and saw the door knob turning rapidly on the door then heard a click. 

His eyes widened and he grabbed the knob, shaking it as rapidly as he possibly could. It was locked. 

"Yugi... open the door... Yugi!.... YUGI!!!" he bellowed and slammed his fist on the door. He could feel a fresh wave of anguish, confusion and fury through their link, and softened. "Yugi please... this isn't helping... I want to help you Yugi..." This fell upon deaf ears. 

Yugi was currently curled up on the bed in his soul room absorbed in his own thoughts. He had heard Yami's muffled bellow from the other side of the door and ignored it. He then looked to his small radio/ CD player and pressed the "On" button. Soft music was playing that usually lulled him to sleep, he shook his head and turned the dial up to full volume so he could hear over Yami's ramblings. He then changed the music to better fit his mood. 

  


  


  
_Where once was light... _

Now darkness fills. 

  


Where once was love... 

Love is no more. 

  


Don't say - good-bye... 

Don't say - I didn't try... 

  


  


  
The music was muffled by the door but blaring, and Yami had long since covered his ears. He was currently very annoyed, as well as confused and hurt feeling Yugi's emotions. He was kicking the door, trying to be heard over the music that had to be blowing Yugi's ears out. 

  


  


  


  
_These tears we cry... _

Are falling rain, 

For all the lies you told us. 

The hurt, the blame... 

  


  
And we will weep, 

To be so alone... 

We are lost. 

We can never go home. 

  


  


  


  
'What if one of my friends dies while we're saving the world. They shouldn't be involved in this. It would be in vain. It's all in vain, they'll kill each other anyways, no matter what we do...' Yugi was rocking back and fourth in a fetal position, disoriented to the music screaming in his ears. 'Even if we succeed, it'll be worthless...' 

  


  


  


  
_So in the end, _

I will be - what I will be... 

No loyal friend, 

Was ever there for me. 

  
Now we say - goodbye... 

We say - you didn't try... 

  


  


  


  
Yami realized there was little hope that Yugi would open up. 'If not to me, his other half, who would he open up to?!' Yami took over Yugi's body still sitting on his bed, whose eyes had been vacant for the last 7 minutes. He blinked and looked around, heart pounding with worry. 'What if he won't come out? How will he fulfill his destiny from there? And how can I fulfill mine without him?!' Better not to think about it. All he could do was run. But where? 

"By Grandpa!" He raced out of the house through the game shop, and out on to the street without waiting for an answer of any kind. He wasn't even sure if he had heard him, but didn't really care right now. 

'Wait, where am I going?' He stopped and shook his head, racking his brain for someone to go to. 'Joey?... no... Tea! Yugi listens to her! But how will I get him out of his soul room to talk to her without her finding out...' He darted down the street towards her house, perhaps some better option would present itself... 

  


  


  


  
_These tears you cry... _

Have come too late. 

Take back the lies... 

The hurt, the blame. 

  


  


  


  
The tears had dried on Yugi's face now. He was just sitting staring at the floor listening to the still blaring music trying to drown his confusion in the music to no avail. Yami had stopped pounding on his door, probably just biding his time. 'he couldn't understand, he doesn't know what its like to live today. Sometimes I wonder if I'll even see the next day. Not because of my own destiny, but the games people play with these horrendous weapons.' His lower lip quivered and throat tightened though he willed himself not to cry. There just didn't seem like there was anything he could do. It's just worthless in the end. 

  


  


  


  
_And you will weep, _

When you face the end alone... 

You are lost. 

You can never go home... 

  


  
You are lost... 

You can never go home... 

  


  


  


  
Yami stopped in mid sprint. 'Isis!', and turned around to the complete opposite direction. Not only did he not have to worry about her not understanding the millennium item deal, It was vary hard for anyone not to respect and listen to her. Realizing that again, he had no idea where he was running to, Yami realized that he was taking himself to the museum where they had first met Isis. 

He continued on, pelting down the fairly deserted sidewalk except for a hobo he passed half a block back. He kept running faster and faster growing more worried for Yugi with the passing seconds. His emotions seemed to calm down, but he was not sure if this was a good or bad sign. 

  


  


  


  
_I had nothing to say. _

And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me. 

And I live it all out to find, but I'm not the only person with these things in mind. 

But all that they can see the words revealed. 

Is the only real thing that I got left to feel. 

Just stuck, hollow and alone. 

And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own. 

  


  
I wanna heal, I wanna feel, What I thought was never real

I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long

Erase all the pain til' it's gone

I wanna heal, I wanna feel, like I'm close to something real

I wanna find something I've wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

  


  


  


  
A new song began playing on his radio, as depressing as the first. Yugi had been staring at the posters on his soul room wall. He had a particularly large poster covered in blue skies and clouds, and assorted posters with large lifelike duel monsters on them, as well as a life-size standing of the Dark Magician. Everything in his room was bright and colorful. Except that corner. 

It was that corner farthest from him where he held his doubts and fears. It was darker than the rest of the room; piles of thick tattered books were on the single shelf that sat in the corner. They were not like the other books that filled his room, but books that were full of angst and uncertainty, books whose hardships made his own toil seem easy. At least, sometimes they did. There was a single poster on the wall of that corner. The strangest thing about that corner was the poster. The poster was completely blank. 

  


  


  


  
_And I've got nothing to say. I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face. _

Look at everywhere only to find. 

It is not the way I had imagined it all in my mind. 

What do I have but negativity. 

Cuz I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me. 

Nothing to gain, hollow and alone. 

And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own. 

  


  
I wanna heal, I wanna feel, What I thought was never real

I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long

Erase all the pain til' it's gone

I wanna heal, I wanna feel, like I'm close to something real

I wanna find something I've wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

  


  


  


  
The museum was closed, but there was no one at the gate so Yami let himself in. He figured that if Isis was anywhere, she'd be at the Egyptian exhibit, or at least, that was the only place he knew to look. He traveled through a maze traveling deeper into the past. Eras and ages grew older and older as he continued down the corridor until he arrived... home. 

Isis was standing there looking at the tablet she had shown to Yami earlier and turned around as he approached. 

"Greetings Pharaoh, I knew to find you here." 

"Err... yes. I'm glad I could find you. Yugi is hurting emotionally and has locked himself in his soul room. I can feel his pain and confusion, but I don't understand it, and he won't open the door so I can." 

"I know. I have no solution for you. I am sorry Pharaoh, though I believe I know why he may be acting this way." 

"Please! If there's anything, I want to understand what makes him feel so awful." 

"Yes. I understand. There is a war that is starting in this era one whose outcome and magnitude I have not yet forseen. This war is separate from the battle you and Yugi fight every day, but one between the vary ones you are trying to save. There is a chance that this war will pose a similar threat to the one that you are fighting as well. I and many others have accepted this as a fact of life, and though some are attempting to stop it, there is little choice in the matter. I do not fully understand why Yugi feels so betrayed by the situation; I only know the facts for now." 

Yami pondered this for a moment. 'A war? That's what this was all about? Wars are fought all the time, are they not?' "Thank you Isis for your aid." He waved and ran back down the corridor towards the present. He heard Isis's voice echo through the museum, 

"May the gods grant watch over you Pharaoh." 

  


  


  
_I will never know myself until I do this on my own. _

And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed. 

I will never be anything til' I break away from me. 

I will break away. I'll find myself today. 

  


  
I wanna heal, I wanna feel, What I thought was never real

I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long

Erase all the pain til' it's gone

I wanna heal, I wanna feel, like I'm close to something real 

I wanna find something I've wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

  


  
I wanna heal, I wanna feel, Like I'm Somewhere I belong... 

I wanna heal, I wanna feel, Like I'm Somewhere I belong... 

Somewhere I belong... 

  


  


  
Yugi was actually surprised that Yami wasn't banging on the door again. His emotions had subsided for the moment and he felt a great deal better afterwards. It was the comfort of a decision he made that caused him to calm down. 'I won't put anyone in danger for a world that was determined to kill itself.' Feeling contented in his new decision he turned off the music as it ended, and stretched after being curled up on the bed for a while. 

'I wonder where Yami is.' Yugi stood up and walked across his soul room to the door, and unlocked it. He expected to see Yami waiting outside though he wasn't, so he went and knocked on Yami's soul room. He then realized that Yami had taken over his body in his absence. And so he called. 

//Yami!!... YAMI!!! I'M OUT!!!// 

\\ Yugi! You're out! Wait a minute while I find a place to sit down.\\ 

Yami rounded the corner as it started raining and dashed into the house without a word to grandpa who was watching TV. He dashed up to Yugi's room, closed the door, then sat down on his bed and re entered their mind. 

Yugi was standing in the hallway between rooms looking at the dark mists from where Yami had just appeared. 

"Yugi!" Yami ran up to him and hugged him, relived as anything. "Please what happened? Why did you lock me out?" Yugi hung his head once Yami had stepped back. 

"I... I can't go on fighting Yami..." His eyes were averted from his dark's. He had a feeling that he would react this way. 

"What?" Yami breathed. He looked even more worried than he had been before if possible. This was the kind of battle that couldn't just be dropped. This is the kind of battle that if not fought, would be unthinkable. 

"Yugi, this is destiny we're dealing with. No one knows what could happen if we don't keep going on! We can't just submit the world to evil!" There seemed to be something seriously wrong with his light by now. 'Yugi just isn't the type to give up! He has this kind of hope, faith that things will turn out in the end, the kind you don't see in anyone else, this could not be Yugi.' "How can you even think of giving up all we've worked for, just let it go to waste?! We can't let the world down!" Yami was getting annoyed. Yugi had never expressed such feelings before, why now? 

Yugi was still staring at his feet. "It ... it's not worth fighting Yami." He spoke with more confidence than at first. "We're fighting to save this world, and the people we try to save... they... they just want to kill each other!!" Yugi could feel Yami's annoyance bubbling up inside of him as well as his own confusion and fury welling. "I don't want to put my friends in danger, just so these people can have a world to destroy! I just want to live my life while it still lasts as peaceful as can be! No more fighting! No more blood! I don't know what could happen tomorrow, so I want to live while I still can! If we don't save the world, it'll be destroyed anyways because of these people and their strange reasons for hating each other!!!" 

Yami stepped back at Yugi's outburst. He had never said anything like this before. It was always just keep on fighting, there's nothing else we can do... but this? This was completely contradicting his usual nature. "That's so selfish..." Yami sounded disgusted with what Yugi had said. "You just want to live your life, not caring about anyone else's well being... You still have a life!" Yami's words thundered his rage, and Yugi seemed to shrink at his words. "My life ended long ago, and I wasn't let to rest! I was sent here, without a memory, without friends, I can't even die and rest ever! Its my duty, my destiny to do this! This is my only purpose! I have nothing left!!" Yami stopped abruptly. He had never truly voiced his opinion either. His face contorted to pure agony and he fell to his knees, eyes seemingly vacant. His own words echoed in his mind. 'I have nothing left.' 

Yugi could feel the darkness break. He could see it as his Yami fell to his knees in his own realization. His own words, he had just never voiced them. Yugi had never thoroughly thought how Yami must feel about this. Yami had always been extremely numb to the subject, but now he could see how much it really hurt him. "I'm sorry Yami..." 

Yami was still on his knees staring at the ground. His hands were out in front of him and it seemed as though he was looking at them. His voice was monotonous. "No. you're right Yugi..." His eyes narrowed and he stood up the words still echoing in his mind, he would never forget what he had said. 'I have nothing left' the fact is though, that it was true. Out of place, out of time. Lost, never to go home. 

Yugi right now was wishing he could take back all he had said, even if it was true, he never wanted to make Yami feel this way. Yami was always so determined. There was nothing that could ever stand in his way. Not killing, not sacrifices, nothing. But this seemed to have broken his spirit. Yugi still didn't want to fight a loosing battle for peace, but if it broke his Yami's spirit, then it wasn't worth him living his own life happily. 

"You... you're right Yami. I was being selfish." Even he didn't belive his own words. He just wanted Yami back. "If we keep going, you can get your memory back and you will have an identity, a purpose other than to the service of others." He put his hands on Yami's shoulders and looked him in the eyes. "It. is. not. worthless." He still couldn't believe what he was saying. He said the words, though surely didn't mean them. He still meant what he had said before. Though he couldn't stand to see Yami so hurt by this. This was a side of Yami that he had never seen before. 

"No Yugi, you're just saying that." He sighed deeply returning his gaze we can't keep fighting for a lost cause. Even if we were to succeed, I still have no home; I am still lost, even with my memories. I can never live as you do. You should live this life while it is there for you Yugi. You can't give it up just for me. It may be torture at times, but you have your good times as well." He lifted Yugi's arms from his shoulders and walked into his soul room in defeat. 

Yugi just stood staring at the closed door feeling completely awful for what he had said. He then went into his own soul room and closed his door. 

  


  


  


~*~*~*~*~*~

  


  
A/N2: I realized only after writing this that this whole thing could not have happened at this exact time as it is 10 o'clock in the morning and they should be in school so, just for this story, lets pretend they had a day off however unlikely it is. 

A/N3: I am considering leaving this here, why? Since I can't think of a good way to get them out of this situation. Any ideas on how to resolve this and keep it making sense, and not ending totally happy would be welcome. 

A/N4: Review. 


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